a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
