that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
