I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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