Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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