Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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