i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
