so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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