I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
