I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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