You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
