dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
