I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
