She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
