Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
