She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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