I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
