There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
