I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
