I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
