he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Small penises have feelings too.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
