it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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