I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
