I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
