I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
