i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
