He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
