if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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