Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
