I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize