he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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