Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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