I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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