Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
