After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
