just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you have to choose: penises or morals?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
