i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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