Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
