i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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