Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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