This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
3 2 1 whiskey
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
