Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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