I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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