i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
