we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
