Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
