And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
