I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
