when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
