Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
