I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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