remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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