Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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