You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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