I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
